Shiny Chickens

On the blog again

2008-10-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

Hello all--me again. Thought I'd post some oh so adorable pics of the Baybee and the Kidd. Also had one teeny tiny rant to get out of my system. Why do people feel that keeping their child from annoying innocent people as an optional thing? What on earth posses someone to bring their obnoxious, rude, nerve-shattering brat child with them to a store only to let them run amok without paying a bit of attention to their horrific behavior? After dealing with three such children in one night at work, my determination to avoid procreation has turned to something akin to the stuff they make the little black box (on planes) out of--only stronger. Grrr.

On a more chipper note, my nieces are adorable and sweet and practically perfect in every way!

Still truly detest homework with a passion.

Later gators!

You're In My Blog, You're In My Soul

2008-10-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, guess I haven't been here in a while. And I can't stick around long seeing as how it's 3 am-ish and I have to work at noon and all. Anywho, I just got a wild hair and decided to actually blog--crazy idea, I know. So here goes.

I love these Time Life music infomercial things. "For only a hundred bucks you can buy a bunch of songs from back in the day! Everything you love is in this collection!!" Now, that is just not true. I love lots of things that I just bet you aren't in that collection. Got any good zombie flicks in that collection? I didn't think so. False advertisement, that. Sadly, I must admit this rock ballads collection is better than most--I found myself singing along more than once now. Stupid infomercials.

I am going to see my big bro, sis in law, the kid and the baybee next week! Mrs. Coke is travelling with me--yea! We made a playlist on my ipod just for the occasion. And I get to see the Kid in some play. Totally beyond excited.

My cats are sitting here glaring at me. It's past the time I usually pour more food in their dishes so they're giving me the evil eye to let me know I'm treading on thin ice here.

I have decided that my work should not hire anymore girls under the age of 20 or 21. All the younger ones seem to be unable to withstand the rigors of working at a consignment shop. A CONSIGNMENT SHOP for cryin' in the sink! It is not rocket science folks! These little nitwitts are dropping like flies. Mind you, their personalities are not of such calliber to merrit missing them, it just sucks to be short on employees.

Still completely and utterly loathe homework.

Wow, my desk is really messy.
I should have probably done some homework tonight instead of watching that truly awful cheesy horror flick. Oh well.
I like this desk much better than my old one.
Why do waffles have all those little squares? Don't they come from waffle irons?
This country needs a George Carlin day.
I hate cars.
My wallet is soo cute. Black exterior, hot pink interior. Way cute.

This blog has really sucked butt, but what do you expect? I'm beyond a bit rusty and tired as hell. I'm outta here for now folks.

Keep rockin'! (stupid infomercial)

Insert title here

2008-02-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

Hi again--just me, blogger of few blogs. I have been away for far too long I suppose. I mean, it isn't fair to keep my rapiar wit and sensational life from you folks. It's not like my life is exceedingly dull or filled with monotonous activity or anything. Oh wait, yes it is--it's exactly like that. I go to school. I go to work. I do homework. I....um...well, sometimes I talk on the phone. Oh yeah, and I watch TRU tv quite a bit. And I...ummm....actually, that about sums up the life of me. I have no life. I am dullness personified. I am bordom in the flesh. I am completely ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Good grief.

So let's ee what I can come up with to write about. Well, the parking lot at school is my current favorite thing to rant about, so here ya go. Living in Iowa involves dealing with snow--duh, right? Well, apparently the young gooberknobs I am surrounded by at MMC failed to consider this fact before driving to class. We have had snow this winter, admittedly more snow than average----tons of the fluffy white crap has accumulated all over the place. Parking lots are particularly yucky. I personally do not believe this fact entitles people to simply leave their common sense at home when they head to school. Just to give you an idea, the parking lot I am ranting about is set up to have a total of 6 rows of cars. One on either side of the parking lot and four in between them. Like this: l ll ll l. Fairly simple, right? WRONG! It now looks like this: l lll l. Or this: l ll l l. What is wrong with this picture? There are folks who end up with a car in front of them and one behind them. The rows have narrowed so that larger vehicles like SUVs cannot get through and have to back up until they come to a turn off, which is difficult since there are cars behind them and most of the turn off isles have been rendered obsolete by the morons parking wherever they desire. I am personally a firm believer in the drunken monkey theory. I think folks get out of there car at the entrance to the parking lot and hand their keys over to intoxicated primates. I simply cannot fathom that college students--people who were intelligent enough to make it into MMC--could possibly be so inept and idiotic when it comes to parking. So there.

My apartment manager came to put saran wrap stuff on my living room window today as the window has become my arch enemy in the fight against freezing my keister off. It was really nifty to watch him wrestle the plastic and the blinds and the tape and such, just to cover one big window. But it is done now and it looks all spiffy and such and the evil window will have to contend with the plastic to let in icky cold air now. YEA!

Random thoughts:
My desk sucks. It's way too small. No homework space.
Why is my Downy ball on my desk?
When will Dart stop being terrified of the freshmatic sprayer thing??
Why do I have so many books scattered everywhere?
Why am I still blogging when I should be getting ready for work?
I need more bookshelves.
My Hello Kitty mouse is really quite cute.
Did I set the VCR timer to tape Supernatural?
I have to remember to finish watching Tuesday's American Idol.
Crap, I totally did not set the VCR timer.
Pajammy to the left.
I still can't remember where that sand came from. I must have saved it for a reason tho.
I miss my watch.
I hope I'm not in the changing room at work tonight. Yuck.
A duck with an afro--too funny. Great picture.
Aw heck, I really need to set the timer.

Well, it's been bloggy and such but I really must be going now. Laters!

Marginally Magnificent Me
Fairly Fantastic Fiona

Kid Midget Baybee---whatever

2008-01-02T22:51:00.000-08:00

The Rockstar and Dori being goofy
The Dino and Dori being silly
The Baybee and the sis in law
The big bro and the Baybee
The Akido Kid

Love the hair!!!!!!!
The Baybee kickin back with the Kid
The Kid and the Baybee
The one and only Midgit
My adorable cats---just had to add this one

The Kid
Mutton Chop Baybee and the sis in law
Just too cute!
Chillin'
She just couldn't be any cuter!

Howdy all. I honestly don't have much in the way of entertaining babble nor to I have any life altering ideologies to share with you. I simply wanted to take this opportunity to share pics of my visit with the Kid and her lil sis---my new niece. Chloe was born November 28 and I finally got to meet her last week. I am dieing to show off a coupla pics I took of her and Elise and my big bro and my sis in law. I did want to say that I made an observation about myself while visiting the family. I call my eldest niece the Kid, the middle niece the Midget and the new niece the Baybee (which will change of course as she becomes a non-baybee. I sometimes call her the Little Mutton Chop too. Or the Mohawk baybee. Depends on my mood.). They have names--real ones that is. What is my deal? Why do I feel compelled to call them these other titles? Don't get me wrong, the names fit them and I have no intention of calling these darling girls by their given names, I just think it's odd.

Oh yeah, I also wanted to give a big huge hug to the Rockstar and the Dino for being such fantastically adorable little rugrats who absolutely dig their aunt Kenzie.

I start winter term tomorrow. Ick. Did they honestly think I missed school so much that I would want to attend one class 4 times a week for 3 hours each time????? I think I could defiantly deal without that much of one class. Although I must admit I am looking forward to my Creative Writing class....I just wish it was spread out a bit more.

Well that's all for now folks!

Silence!!!!! I keeell yooou!

Funny vs. Pathetic

2007-11-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I went to the video store to rent movies tonight. I do that a lot because I am a loser and I have no life. But it's cool. I'm totally in the know about all the latest and greatest flicks. So that's something. Anywho, I wandered around the store trying to decide which movies I was in the mood for. I had wandered from the Zs all the way to the Cs when the store manager dude popped up in front of me. He asked if I needed any help and I told him I was just dandy. Then he asked if I had seen the movie Captivity yet. When I told him no he promptly plopped the movie on top of my stack of movies and informed me it is right up my ally. He said I definitely wanted that one, everybody wants that one. Cause it is "like Hostel or Saw and stuff like that", stuff folks like me dig. I thanked him and started toward the register. Then I hear some dude ask the manager dude if he has any copies of Captivity left and manager dude tell him he just gave out the only copy they had in tonight. Now, I was all impressed with my own influence type thing with manager dude--I mean the dude knows what kind of movie I like and makes sure I get the best of the sick twisted flicks available. Cool huh? Kinda. You see, after a moment it hit me that this may be less cool than I originally thought. It may signify that I am so pathetic and so without a life that I actually frequent the video store enough that I am becoming sort of a fixture. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Am I pathetic? Or was the little video store incident just the stuff of goofy anecdotes? Puzzling. Regardless, I shall let you know if the movie is cool or not.

I completely and utterly loathe homework.

Silence! I keeell you!

Marginally meaningful meandering mutterings

2007-11-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am one gazillion percent sure that I am never ever ever never going to have children. I know, I know I have mentioned this before. I just feel that it is necessary to reiterate this every once in a while. You see, if you have kids you have to spend quality time with them and do stuff they want that not only doesn't benefit you at all, it pretty much sucks big hairy butt. Like trick or treating. In the cold. Surrounded by zillions of rotten little snot children. In the cold. With complaints assailing your frozen ears nonstop. In the cold. I think next year I shall suggest to the Midget that she check into this church Halloween party thing Dori attends with the Rockstar and the Dinosaur. It sounds warm. I think the adults that deal with the kid crap should get something out of it. And don't give me any of that sentimental jargon about the joy of spending quality time and such. That is total crap. That whole quality time stuff would take place somewhere warm and involve fun activities like coloring or watching a good zombie flick with a kid or giving a kid tons of sugar just to watch them bounce around or jumping out at them and making the little snot jump a foot. (another reason I should be encouraged not to reproduce; I have a slightly skewed view of good child care skills.) Anyway, back to real rewards. I think we should get 50% of their loot on any given holiday that we are forced to endure unpleasant activities of their choosing. And we pick the 50% we get. None of this letting them gives up the crap they don't want. And for all other unpleasant yucky times we must endure we should get paid. A lot. So there.

I really loathe homework.

I am really going to try blogging more. Really.

I think I got tagged or something. I think I'm supposed to list three things I haven't let go of. Or something like that. Maybe it was three things I just don't want to let go of. Or three things I can't let go of. Aw heck, I don't remember. (I know, shocking!) So let's go with three things I just can't seem to let go of. Close enough.

1. My sentimental value stuff. You know the stuff I mean. "I can't get rid of that! My 13th cousin twice removed's best friend's aunt's gardener's daughter's son gave it to me! It has sentimental value!" Seriously, I am way pathetic about all the sentimental crap I have accumulated over the course of my 30 (and 1/2!) years. I have junk that I can't even remember where it came from, I just know it's sentimental value type stuff--someone, possibly someone I like but maybe not, gave it to me and I am just sure I must keep it forever. And don't even get me started on pictures!

2. My Mountain Dew addiction. I will give up MD when you pry my last bottle from my cold dead hand. I am working hard on giving up smoking so people better not even consider asking me to give up MD. It would get very ugly. Police would be called. And a coroner. I promise.

Knock knock. Who's there? Me, I kill you.

3. My tendency to expect too much from myself. Anyone else can get a B in a class and I think it's great. I get a B and I think I should be smacked about the head with a brick. A bit of a double standard I know. But there it is.

My cats are so cute.

I am considering taking drastic measures to solve my Gali vs. Christmas tree dilemma. Gali is, by nature, a VERY curious cat. VERY. So I am getting a bit concerned as to what his reaction will be to a Christmas tree. So here's what I'm thinking. Duct tape. Eh, what d'ya think? Oh for goodness sake, it would be for the tree! Not the cat! Sick bastards. I am thinking of duct taping the tree to my currently unused dinning room table. See, I figure if I duct tape it to the table really really really well, he can't knock it over. And I'm going to put the tree up this weekend so he has plenty of time to get used to the tree before I decorate it the day after Thanksgiving. Wish me luck!

Good Evening. Infidel.

One final mucho importante thing-----TYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTY to Dori for suggesting my new tag line bye bye note thingy I shall be using from this blog on. TYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTYTY! You so totally rule dude!

That's it for tonight folks!

Silence! I kill you! <-------ain't it great?!?!?!?!?! TY again Dori!

2007-10-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

D'Artanyn Bruno Bailey Wellingtom Benadryl Esquire

This sign amuses me greatly
This one does too
I need this on a shirt
LOL Bitter Boy
Gotta love it!

The one and only Pugsley!
The return of old lady conversations
Sir Galihad Ignatious Kal-Lex Romero Ogopogo
Dart and Gali wrestling
Old schoolhouse by my grandma's house

Silence! I kill you!

2007-10-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Me. I kill you.

That, folks, is a line from the funniest darn comedy thing ever! The one and only Achmed the dead terrorist! Created by the awesome ventriloquist Jeff Dunham. Definitely recommend checking this out on youtube...choose the Achmed video that's about 10 minutes long and get ready to keel over laughing.

Onto my fascinating personal life. I spent some time with my family last week. Every time I spend quality time with my relations I have end up wondering how on earth anyone who has met them can be surprised at my rather odd sense of humor. For goodness sake my relatives sit around talking about cross dresser dudes and how they hide their dangly bits! Even my grandma took part in that one! Now, doesn't this explain my...um...uniqueness?? I was doomed from conception to be twisted and warped. It's okay though, I've accepted the fact that I have a sense of humor few people get. And that's okey dokey with me as, to be honest, I crack myself up!

Do you ever wonder why there are no twelve step programs for those people who are addicted to whacking people every time they see a Volkswagen bug and holler "slug bug!"??? I think it would be poetic justice to have a roomful of these gooberknobs whacking each other senseless instead of bugging us normal folks who find this grating.

It is nearly Halloween and I feel obliged to share my list of preferred horror/horror-ish movies as I am somewhat of a fanatic about these types of flicks. Here we go. (not in any specific order by the way)

Shaun of the Dead (one of the funniest zombedies, heck one of the funniest movies ever!)
Land of the Dead (wonderfully gory special make-up effects and an awesome satire)
Dead and Breakfast (hilarious and twisted!)
Wrong Turn (pretty good believable monsters and lots of action)
Dawn of the Dead (there are 2 versions of this film and both have certain aspects which
make them worthy of this list)
Day of the Dead (gotta love a movie where the whacked out mean army dudes and scientist get
what's coming to them)
Dead and Deader (a frickin riot!)
28 Days Later (fairly cool spin on the zombie idea)
Bride of Chucky (omg frickin hilarious!)
Feast (the character intro bios are awesomely funny and the movie is pretty action packed
and humorous)
Halloween (a classic. and most of the sequels are pretty entertaining in a cheesy movie way)
Slither (wonderfully sarcastic, dark, dry humor!)
Phantoms (pretty original in many aspects plus has Ben Affleck in it so has the hottie factor)
Idle Hands (laughed my butt off)
Undead (pretty original sort of zombie film with wonderfully obnoxious humor)
The Exorcist (classic)
Resident Evil trilogy (full of action and loads of cool zombie moments)
Return of the Living Dead movies (beyond hilarious!)
Poltergeist (that creepy ass clown part still gives me the heebie jeebies)
Dead Silence (pretty original and has one of my fave cuties mr Wahlberg in it)

That's just some of my personal faves. Of course, I have oodles more I enjoy but these are some of the most entertaining ones.

I loathe homework.

I am considering moving to a deserted island, naming it Z and living out the remainder of my days on my island. I would bring a lifetime supply of generators and whatever it takes to run them, my books, my cats, my movies, a groovy tv and a couple dvd players. Oh yeah, and a huge, comfy recliner in which I will veg for the remainder of my days. I suppose I'd need a phone so I could call my peeps from time to time...heck, maybe even throw the occasional island bash. That would really rock.

*Ginormous sigh* Reality sucks.

My cats are strange little fellows. I am becoming concerned that they may be gay. That fact in and of itself isn't upsetting, just that they don't feel comfortable enough to tell me about it. Of course, I could be way off on this. It's just that they seem to enjoy wrestling around and cleaning each other an awful lot. Hmm. Guess I'll have to wait and let them tell me their sexual preference (whatever it may be) when they're ready.

Well kiddies, I am all blogged out for the moment so, until next blog, LATER!

still looking for catchy farewell catch phrase thing.....

I'm outta here

Well, you see, it was like this Mr. Saint Peter, sir...

2007-09-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

In the words of one Ricky Riccardo, I'm gonna have some 'splaining to do. I can see it now: I have died in some fascinatingly horrible fashion and have arrived at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter stands there, looking rather snarky (hey, he's a saint, not a god), as I approach his Lazyboy (this is my picture, so you can just take a flying leap if you don't like my choice of Saint seating!). I stand before him, waiting to be let into Heaven, as he starts reviewing my naughty or nice list of everything I did while still possessing a pulse. He mutters a few uncalled for opinions regarding my excessive cursing and my weakness for a cold Dew, cigarettes and zombie movies. His mutterings become full fledged grumbles when he gets to my habit of warping young minds into liking zombies movies as well. And then it happens....he reaches the entry on my horrible deed I did today. He starts screeching in a banshee tone that I did the unforgivably bad and yadda yadda yadda. When I try to plead my case he will simply sputter and spaz about some phone call God received telling him exactly what happened and that I am just lucky God has cut back on his habit of striking folks down with lightning, otherwise I'd a been dead before I made it ten feet. And then he boots me outta there and I spend eternity sweatin' my butt off while telling Dahmer I don't want any recipe suggestions and hiding from a very unhappy Hitler (try to help a psycho dictator out and tell him his mustache looks dumb, and what do ya get? Sheesh.). And all this because it was darn chilly outside today. My eternal soul is doomed because I stepped out of a building at school today, felt the rather un-September like chill, and yelped, "Holy hell!" Not such a terrible thing, right? Totally forgivable...except for the tiny fact that I said it very loudly......right at the priest standing mere feet away. A priest, for cripes sake! These sorts of things only happen to folks like me....unlucky gooberknobs who spend so much time being in the wrong place at the wrong time that we haven't any time to be in the right place but once or twice in our lifetimes. Spent the next several minutes trying to erase the holy hell bit.....by sputtering out several "Aw, hell"s and "Damn"s. Big help, that. *unbelievably huge sigh* Why me?

You ever encounter those annoying folks who do that god-awful nasally nervous laugh thing every ten seconds or so? I have one of them in one of my classes...and I spend far too much class time plotting her untimely demise with far too much maniacal pleasure. Probably another thing that won't look so good on my record, huh?

Well, guess I better get back to the homework stuff.
*Still struggling to come up with schnazzy exit line like Dori has.....failing miserably*
Peace out river trout.....naw, that one really sucks.
Later tater?....nope
Indoor plumbing....it's gonna be big?.....um...no
can someone call a taxi and get me outta here, to beverly hills 90210.......not so much
Who we talkin' 'bout?.....probably not...but maybe
The weedhacker Verne, the weed hacker!.....nope, but it still rocks cuz it's Hammy
Steve's a pretty name........that Hammy's a pretty profound little fellow
Wanna help me find my nuts?....lmao, yep Hammy is a hoot

Just for the record, I welcome any suggestions at a cool exit line--I need all the help I can get. I struggled with cool exists on my myspace blog too darn it. HELP!

exit line-less me, signing off

You've got blog on you

2007-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

I feel it necessary to do a bit of venting. I went to a visitation/funeral last week and I feel a bit disgruntled. I, personally, find death to be a depressing enough event in and of itself. Why, then, do people feel it necessary to compound the issue by throwing parading past the deceased into the mix????? What sick bastard thought this up?!?!? Oh, and don't even get me started on the numerous comments on how "good" the deceased looks. The living-challenged do not "look good"---they are dead for criminey's sake! When I die I hope none of my pals have the gall to say I look good--I swear I will get right outta that casket and beat them. When I die I will look.... big surprise here folks....DEAD! I will be dressed in my nice comfy clothes and be crowded into my casket with as much materialistic crap as possible (who says I can't take it with me?!? I'll show you!) and no one will have to look at me cuz all the DVDs and knick-knacks and books and dolls and pictures and such will make it impossible to see me. So there. And anyone who tries to make people parade past me shall be stoned in the middle of the street. All that being said, I feel I should confess something, sort of to make up for tearing apart the whole twisted funeral tradition thing. I am one of those annoying people who sings along with any song I know.....regardless of how inappropriate my lip-syncing timing may be. I truly can't help myself--a catchy tune comes on and I start belting along with it. At the very least I mouth the words with barely suppressed gusto. My mother used to get on my case cuz I would put headphones on and just sing along at the top of my lungs without even realizing it...a couple of my pals confessed that they used to turn off the radio and just listen to me bellering along to the head phones in the back seat (very embarrassing btw). So it wasn't really my fault that I was singing along to the songs played at the funeral. I didn't pick such catchy stuff that just forces me to sing along---although, thankfully, I did have the self-control to merely mouth the words as opposed to belting them out. That would have gone over swimmingly, I'm sure.

I have amazingly impressive wish lists on Amazon.com. A little excessive, but truly humbling in it's grandness and variety.

That's all for now folks----still searching.

Hello blogspot my old friend

2007-08-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

Once again, it's been awhile. I feel I should explain that a large part of my blogging absence was due to a slight disagreement between the int/cable provider and myself---they felt I should pay for my cable/int and I felt that my financial situation did not permit me to buy a pack of gum, let alone pay a rather large cable/int bill. But that is neither here nor there, that was then and this is now and now I have my int back! Yippee!

Anywho, I guess I am supposed to take care of this whole tagged business. According to my in-the-know pal Nanner, this means I have to make a list similar to Dori's with 8 facts about me. Oh joy and rapture, how exciting--hearing about doofy ol' me!

1. I am an extremely accomplished procrastinator. You name it, I can put it off. Everything from doing the dishes to packing--I am amazing in my ability to not get things done until I have no choice. In fact, I recently found a batch of Christmas cards from 1996 that I never mailed. Astonishing, isn't it?

2. I still cling to the childhood belief that someday I will be a famous author.

3. I own at least 20 dvd's that I have never watched, but just had to have. You know, in case I do want to watch them someday.

4. I have some sign language skills. Not impressive skills, mind you, just skills. I can hold a basic conversation as long as no one asks me anything to complex. Sure would be more impressive to be able to say I have some mad sign language skills. But my mommy told me not to tell blatantly obvious lies.

5. I still stick my hand out the car window and "fly". And I still think the best carnival ride in existence is the swings that make you feel like you're flying. Don't suppose that will ever change.

6. I have some really great friends--the Knuckle, the Coke Addict (Coca-cola merchandise that is), the Nanner, Bitter Boy, Dori, etc etc etc.

7. I enjoy Shirley Temple movies and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

8. I collect stuff. Porcelain dolls, other dolls, mooses, elephants, groovy weird stuff, fat cats, etc.

Now I am supposed to tag some folks--whatever that means. So I guess I'll tag Nanner, Bitter Boy, Dori, Santa Clause, Snuffy, Johnny 5, the Purple People Eater and Ivan the terrible (the one living with bitter boy). I don't know enough bloggers to tag anyone beyond Nanner really, so deal with it.

I am moving this weekend. I am leaving behind this rinky dinky little closet of an apartment, cute though it may be. I am moving on to bigger and better things---starting with the slightly bigger cute little apartment across the hall. That's right friends, I am moving from number 8 to number 9. I am very excited, even though my 'man'ager made a little boo boo and now I only have three days to get completely moved. Oh well!

That's it for now kiddies! *Searching for cutesy outta here thingy like Dori has*

Blogger burnout period has ended! I have returned!

2007-07-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I have decided that I am fully recovered from my severe case of blogger burnout. It was a tough fight, but I beat it senseless and whatnot. I shall not be an everyday sort of blogger again, but I will attempt to blog more often than once every month or two. No guarantees though.

Well, a bit of catching up is probably appropriate now, so here goes. Still a jobless poke destined for greatness, but pacing myself. Don't want to get all great all at once, people could grow bitter and begin throwing rotten fruit at me if I get too great too fast. Can't have that, now can we?

My big bro and my sis-in-law and the niece are coming to visit next weekend (the weekend of the 22). I have to clean my tiny little apartment...a lot. In theory it shouldn't be that big of a job seeing as how my apartment is the size of a closet. However, that theory would be complete horse poo. It seems that, the smaller the apartment, the bigger the cleaning job. You see, when you have a tiny apartment, you get creative about filling up every centimeter of space you do have. I have crap stuffed in every conceivable location in this apartment. So now I have to actually dig all this strategically stuffed crap out of it's nooks and crannies and attempt to find a more organized way to store them. *huge sigh*

I am growing concerned with my obsession with this world series of pop culture trivia show. I find myself sucked in completely. I barely blink the whole time as I gawk at the TV. I even find myself hollering out answers and actually paying attention to how well I do. I also get a bit snooty when I get one right that the contestants don't know, or if I get it right faster than them. I think this may be a sign that I need to get a life. Or maybe be on this show.....hahahahaha. I can see it now. I get up on the stage, all confident cuz I can kick butt and take names from the comfort of my living room. Then they ask me a question--something really out there and off the wall......like my name. I would freeze like a deer in headlights and mumble something incoherent before I became the first contestant ever to be eliminated before the round even begins. I am sooo cool like that.

Have you ever noticed that one of your laminated membership/id cards is getting jenky? A little flap of laminate stuff is...well....flapping in the breeze. And once you notice it, you start picking at it until it just becomes total crap and ya have to rip off the remaining laminate stuff. And then you're just irritated cuz it feels weird and looks like crap. It's really one of those things ya just can't let go of. Or maybe it's just me.

Guess that's enough for now kiddies. Wild Stallions rule! Thank you San Dimas!

Things that make you go "wtf mate?"

2007-06-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am now the proud owner of a shiny chicken. It is actually a customized Ty Beanie Baby rooster, but it totally rocks. Mrs. Coke saw him at a yard sale and took him home where she proceeded to aluminum foil the little feller into his current shiny chicken state. I shall post his picture on here as soon as possible. I have been wrestling with what to name him--Bueford? Horace? Sheldon? Poindexter? Luminum? Al? Aw hell, I don't know. Feel free to make suggestions.

Party police. What an interesting concept for a Court TV show. Rather reality-ish if ya ask me. But I must admit I find it humorous to see dingy little hussies busted by cops and hauled off in cuffs while wearing their ridicuously miniscule bikinis. Wow, some dude has bright green hair pulled back in a ponytail and an alarming number of topless chics in his boat. Wow. Some feller is getting arrested for drunken boating and he is a bit unhappy about it. Hehehehehe. He just called a cop 'pumpkin'. Our society is just amazing in it's stupidity.

Later!

Life is a bed of roses-- remember to watch out for the pricky bits

2007-05-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

How is it that life can completely and utterly suck ass and such, but one is not to take life so seriously? I find myself conflicted about this almost daily. How can it be? I am a jobless (because I can't find a stinkin' job, not just cause I like chillin at home day after day after day after day after....well, you get the idea) 30 year old chunker with a measly associate of the arts degree and a car that has developed an unhealthy aversion to temperatures over -5 degrees. And yet, I just can't seem to properly wallow in round-the-clock self-misery. That's not to say I don't have the short-lived pity party now and again, but overall, I just keep figuring everything will work out one way or another. I mean, c'mon--I'm on good standing with the big guy, I'm a fairly decent human being who is kind to most children and animals (with the exception of the slimy, icky, mean ones) and I figure I've already had my share of crap sandwiches in life and such---so it has to work out, right? It always does, one way or another.

Why is it that folks say happy as a clam? Do clams really seem like overly cheerful figures to some? I personally think clams might be more of a snarky sort. Wouldn't you be snarky if your entire life was waiting to be picked up by an animal or human, only to have them beat the holy livin' crap outta ya, rip your insides out for their din-din, then chuck your sad little shell aside like garbage? Sheesh, I think that'd be annoying as heck. No wonder they suppossedly spit at ya. ( I can hear it now, "So there! Take that--right in the eye you foul beast!") I hope they aim.

I am now taking a double dose of this pay attention medicine. I feel that I can safely say it not only isn't working, it's making it worse! I have been in the middle of a sentance--in the middle of a word, and I completely forget what I was talking about. And I keep getting distracted by things that even I can normally ignore/resist. Like the birds outside my window or the BeBe's kids that live two houses down from my apartment. I should probably call my doc and bring this to his attention. But I'll probably forget. It's already fading.

Hot Fuzz looks like such a good flick. I can no wait until me and my bitter buddy can go forth and see this righteously awesome film. Wow---that sounded cheese-head-dorky-beyond-comprehension, even to me.

Who on earth came up with the title chitty-chitty-bang-bang? Or tiki-tiki-tembo-no-sae-rembo-blahdy-blakdy-blahdy-blahdy-blah? I know I dig weird names and all, but come on. I would never get a pet and name it something like horse-radish-shovel-doo-doo-loo-loo-boolly-woolly-grits-remote-control-shiny-chicken! That would be just plain wrong. What kinda whackos are these people? Good grief!

Asta luigi!

Me vs. the bat

2007-05-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Bats are fascinating creatures. And kinda cute in a strange, twisted sorta way. I know a lot about bats--I watch the discovery planet and animal planet and such. I know that they very rarely actually carry rabies and that they are intelligent and they don't suck blood and they don't particularly care about humans in general. See, very knowledgeable and analytical--in theory. In reality, not so much.
Several years ago I had a bat get into my apartment. In theory, I should have found a humane and non-traumatic way to simply guide him out the back door. Didn't happen. That tiny little bat swooped in front of my TV and I freaked. I pulled the blanket over my head and screeched like a little girl. So, I'm under the blanket and I'm thinking "It's just a little bat you big pansy! Calm down!" Well, I didn't listen to me very well but I did try to quit screeching like some deranged school girl.
Gradually, as my brain began functioning beyond primitive sissy girl level, I started forming a plan. I decided that I would wait for the bat to land on my blanket, throw the blanket over it, wad up the blanket and chuck bat and blanket out the door. Yeah, sure--great plan, right? Again, didn't happen. The second my little winged visitor landed on that blanket I started spazing out entirely. My hands and feet started flapping like beached fish and I resumed my high-pitched ear-drum-piercing screeching. It is likely that I scared the ever lovin' crap outta that poor bat. And anyone who tries to give me that crap about the bat being more afraid of me than I was of him---not a chance in hell dude. That bat probably spent the whole night laughing at my chickenshit-ness.
For the first time in my entire life, I slept with the blanket pulled over my head. I didn't even do that when I was 6 and absolutely convinced that the boogeymonster was lying in wait under my bed for cripes sake! But I did it to hide from a bat that was roughly the size of a matchbox car. I have mentioned the chickenshit gene flowing strongly and cheerfully through my veins, right?
The final insult was that the bat disappeared by the time I woke up the next morning. I tantrumed my boyfriend and my landlord into searching the entire apartment for that little bugger. They found no trace of him--and told me so while giving me looks that clearly stated they thought I was imagining things. Darn bat.

That there shiny chickens mast head thing totaly rocks!

2007-05-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Dori kicks ass! She made me the beyond awesome shiny chicken header thingy...the mast head. That thingamajig is sooooooo cute! TY Dori!!!!!

Had my grad party today. It is absolutely exhausting to spend an entire day being pleasant and sociable and kind to all the rotten little snots running around everywhere. I must say, yet again, I LOVE MY CATS. My cats do not steal water balloons from one another. They do not go around showing their winkies to girls. They never, ever push each other on a merry-go-round fast enough to cause tummies to kick into unhappiness mode. I am extremely proud of myself for not injuring any rotten little snots today. You have no idea how much self restraint I had to call on for that feat. I now have a giant spork thingy and I find it extremely comforting-- kind of like my life line.

I am so tired. I didn't do much of anything, so I don't really know why. Except for that whole being pleasant stuff. But I am so tired I could just drop. Oh yeah, and my feet are killing me. I wore my lime green cheapy flip flops today. And they beat up my feet. The bullies. I actually have big ol' bumpy/knotty things on my feet from those diabolical flips. It hurts to walk. That sucks alot. What am I supposed to tell people when they see me hobbling around like some old cripple? Flip flop injury? How embarrassing would that be? Only me, these weird injury things only happen to me.

Later gators!

Why I do not plan to live in the country--ever.

2007-05-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

I stayed with Rae Thursday and Friday night. She lives in a teeny-tiny little town near a slightly bigger tiny town. She lives in a cute little house right along the river. It is, in theory, the perfect place to live. I don't agree in the least. For one thing, I have seen a snake chillin' in the weeds, just waiting to sink it's evil fangs into innocent ol' me. And then there's the noises. People who carry on about the "quiet living" in the country---full of crap. It is noisy out there. And the noises are scary noises. Like fighting raccoons screaming at each other and pigs screeching in unhappiness and unseen creatures rustling around and stuff splashing into and out of the water. I do not care for these sorts of noises--not even a little. I'll take sirens and speeding cars and people yelling over those sounds any day. Quiet living my aunt fanny.

Another unpleasant faucet of country living is the numerous smells, many of which are downright vomitus. Between the skunks and the farm animals and the road kill and the hillbillies--the smells are enough to make your sense of smell contemplate making a run for it. Just yuck. And stuff.

Gravel roads suck ass-- 'nuff said.

I find bugs ucky. There's lotsa bugs in the country. Makes me all itchy just thinking about it. *shudder*

Waving. Everywhere you go some goober's waving at you like you're their best buddy. It's real friendly and all but, well, it's just not something I can summon enthusiasm over. I mean, jeez. I feel so dorky with my hand bobblin' around at someone while my face is clearly saying, "Who the hell is this goober I'm waving at? And why am I waving at them?" It's kinda like being one of those hula bobbles except only your arm is bobbling.

And what's with all the fresh air? Did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, a little pollution smog mix is good for ya? I mean, ya gotta toughen your lungs up somehow, right? Maybe clogging them up with the pollution and such makes your lungs nice and sturdy. Okay, I'm reaching a bit. But still, fresh air in the country is a myth. Remember the smell issue mentioned above--there is nothing fresh about the smell of roadkill and pig poop and rotting fish and cow dooky and skunk stink. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

And it is really dark out there. I like streetlights---lotsa street lights. The dark is kinda unnerving actually. Don't like the uber dark found out in the boondocks. Scary noises are even scarier in the uber darkness. My chicken shit gene has convinced me that that kind of dark is bogeyman enticing dark.

Thank God I'm a city girl.

Procrastination Rocks!

2007-05-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

In homage to a fellow procastinating, ADD-suffering, just plain wacky blogger--Dori (aka: Nessa) I will relay my similar method of avoiding neccessary duties.

Tomorrow is my much dreaded ASL final. I should be studying for it and I am aware of this fact. And I intend to do just that....when I have absolutely no choice. As an alternative to doing this vile, destestable task, I have busied myself with many pointless time-passers. Here is my list of things I've done to avoid studying for aforementioned ASL final:

1. Play spider solitaire at least 75 times because I just have to play untill I win and then when I do win I must play until I win again....and so it goes.
2. Cruise the web as though I actually have some sort of purpose there.
3. Watch mundane television shows about people who reproduce like bunnies on steroids.
4. Stare blankly at nothing for long stretches of time while contemplating the meaning of life: is there more to life than shiny chickens, my cats and spider solitaire?
5. Chat with my cats as though they give a rat's ass what I'm saying when the word food is not involved.
6. Drink excessive amounts of mountain dew and koolaid.
7. Run to the bathroom frequently to donate processed dew and koolaid to the porceline god.
8. Set up an elaborate battle between my stapler and my cutsie desk decor toys.
9. Re-read a mystery novel even though I remember not only who-dun-it, but how as well.
10. Blog about pointless frivolities.

So there it is, the procrastinators list of how not-to.

Later!

Cadaver Day was soooo cool

2007-05-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

This morning I willingly woke up at 7 and was showered, dressed and out the door by 7:45. My good buddy Bitter Boy asked his instructor if I could join their Human Bio class for today so I could take part in today's lesson. You see, in my Human Bio class we never saw any actual human stuff--we got to see a baby pig disected and a rat heart, no human junk at all. Bitter Boy's class was going to see a human cadaver and the instructor dude let me tag along. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool! It was like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one! So anyway, we trooped up to the cadaver room and crammed into the tiny space to crowd around the table. On said table was The Cadaver.
WARNING: the following sentences may be a bit much for those of you with wimpy tummies. The Cadaver's skin had been removed from most of the body to allow viewing of the muscle structures. I'll sum this up as much as possible so that y'all don't get too icked out. Instructor pointed out various things, explaining an abnormality in one lung and such. Myself and 3 others stayed after the rest of the class had left to examine things a bit more closely. I got to examine the heart, lungs, intestines, gall bladder, liver, diaphragm, spleen and so forth. By examine I mean poking around and such. I found out that the gall bladder is green and that a belly button looks downright weird when there is no tummy skin around it. Coolest morning ever in my book.
Okay, welcome back to the wimpy tummy folks! When the instructor had finished pointing out stuff he announced that people could leave if they wanted or stick around for further explanations and the like. I crap you not, that room cleared out as if he had announced that he was preparing to detonate a nuclear warhead. It was hilarious, only like 4 people stayed--including me and Bitter Boy.
Well, that's it for now. Blog at cha later!

Um...huh...this could be cool

2007-05-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose this could work for me. Kind of a boring look though, wouldn't you agree? I mean, geesh--no obnoxious colors or anything. Bet I can fix that eventually though. Maybe make it that pink that leaves your eyes feeling blinky and scorched....hm...the idea has merit.

I have to scoot though, Nia has some little kid school singing thing. I'll write more later.

Toodles for now!